POF.. Hormone Replacement Therapy...

WHO KNEW??   I am 36 years old... ok, I will be 37 on August 17th...but still, really??  Spending the day searching for natural HRT is NOT what I ever imagined I would be doing at this point in my life.  I remember chatting with Mrs. G about it and all her research, but never did I imagine I would be looking into it for myself at this point in my journey...but I am... and in a funny way, for those that know me, it is easy to understand that immersing myself in the very best treatment I can find is the best way to handle this. I will say it, I am an extremist... and that is the only way I will get through it all.  Pour all my self into what needs to happen next... and hope at the end of it all I will feel like I have accomplished something.

So here it is friends....

Hotflashes ... YUP, I have had them
Sleeplessness...Yup, that's been me
Memory Lapses.... what was that????
Mood swings.... ask my hubby (at least there is a reason now!!)

The list goes on and on.... and I have experienced them in the last year to two years... yup... I can go before you and cheer you on in 10-15 years..... if I can remain sane that is....

So I spent the day searching, and crying, and searching and crying.... and I found a Dr. here in my city and will be placing my call tomorrow.... I still can't believe it, but I guess I need to do something other than sit and cry, right?

i love.....

i love Jesus.... where would I be without HIM??
i love my munchkin...... she cracks me up!!
i love my hubby..... he is a pillar and continually points me to the Lord
i love my family..... even though they are far, we always have fun together
i love traveling..... LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT
i love scrapbooking.... though I haven't enough time
i love cooking......
i love when other people love my cooking.....
i love reading......
i love writing.....
i love baking (have you had my cookies??)
i love the BIBLE... it is FULL of wisdom and promises
i love that i am latin.....love it!
i love worship!!
i love pink and
i love yellow... they are sooo happy!!
i love my friends... they are the best
i love TV!!! but don't have the time for it...
i love the IDEA of planting/gardening...but i can't get into it.....
i love coffee... especially loaded with creamer
i love the gym.... when I love it... lol.... once I get going, I can't stop... ONCE i get going....
i love music.....
i love to dance with my munchkin when nobody is looking
i love belly laughing... from deep inside
i love deep cries.... those that let it all out
i love thai food
i love chocolate
i love playing games, especially cards
i love driving
i love forgiveness
i love grace
i love freedom

Heartache....

Can you feel heartache? Literally feel your heart aching? I wasn't sure it was possible. I have felt pain and hurt, sadness and grief, but to say that my heart really hurt or my heart really ached, that was a new experience today. Over the last week I have walked this journey, but somehow today, when the Fertility doctor was drawing on his computer sketch pad and explaining everything over again, with detail our first doctor explained, all the while watching his hand draw and his lips speak, all in slow motion, as if in a dream.... if only.

I am fully, officially diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). I am 36 years old... I am married to a wonderful man. I have a beautiful blessing of a daughter...one I now realize was my miracle, and yet, there is a hole and an ache that I have never felt before. Seems sorta selfish I suppose, I already have so much... and of course, I know God is always at work and His plan is always good... but even standing in faith there is pain. I know that.... pain is something I have experienced before, as we all have. I have wonderful pillars of faith surrounding me, all encouraging me in my walk of faith.... people reminding me that God can do anything He chooses..... and while I know all this to be true, I also know that my feelings are real... and instead of planning on another baby and all that entails, I am needing to begin my research of Hormone replacement therapy and the natural options I prefer.......what a difference 2 weeks makes.

I have a husband and a daughter, and I have to continue to be a wife and mama, and love the blessings I have... but at the same time, I have to process the journey I am on. I don't want to stuff things down and bandage pain up as I have in the past, hiding behind religion... I want to take the past experiences with disappointment and utilize all I learned during those journeys. ~~God is big enough to handle my pain and my anger, my sadness and my hurt, my grief and disappointment. Grace covers me as I process this journey. But it is a journey that requires processing... so, I will take my love of writing and write. I will process the journey, knowing God will get my through it... and my heart will heal.... and I will be the wife and mom that I need and want to be.

This will be my journey....

P

MOM.. CEO

So, today during my hang out time with God I thought about my marriage, and my home days.... I thought about my hubs comment last night when I was on my way out... it was simple, and something he says regularly....well, when I go out that is.... he made a comment about how I looked nice. It got me thinking today that I pretty much stay in my "home" clothes, old-ER sweats, tanks, hair in a half pony and no make up... I am after all chasing my one year old, cleaning the house and cooking... and when I do get ready, it is usually my 2nd rate makeup, I save the good stuff for going out.... SO, today, I got dinner started early, and while Selah slept I got ready... I mean, hair, makeup the whole bit! When the hubs came home, he said, you have something tonight?? How sad is that!!!

SO, here is the final 10..... being a wife and mom is the best "job" I could have... I love what I do... I cherish every moment of it... and putting myself together for my home, well, that is great too! I am after all, the CEO...

By the way, when I told the hubs that I decided to get ready for him, he smiled and said, it is nice, but with a face like yours, it isn't necessary. . .

Got to love him!

Saving for the Family....

So, as I would imagine most mom's are trying to do, I am on a mission to save moola! I have tried a few different "systems" and I think I am on my way to figuring out what works best for me. Working part time, and really, trying to be off more than i currently am now, is so important to me. I want to be with Selah! Anyhow, as of right now, I am saving at least 45% of my grocery bill, and I have begin my "stockpile", even better, I have been able to bless people with groceries! That is the best part! It has been an intersting venture, and I must admit, at times it is more time consuming than I prefer, BUT, the savings are so exciting! I get thrilled when I am at the store and the register reads $96.00 and it shrinks down to $40 something! We are trying new items, but I love it... and Eddy is a great sport about it! I so want to be a good steward with everything God gives us, and so want to help my family!

I better get back to my clipping.....